Author Topic: Thinking of you all  (Read 3606 times)

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #30 on: 22 May 2021 09:58PM »
Sorry I've not been around.

I've been very depressed and struggling with things.  I'm still posting on another (non-disability) site I go on, but I take long breaks from there at intervals over things that upset me. 

I've tried again and again and again to get a routine back in my life and to get more courage to get things done but it seems to get harder not easier.

It now looks as if I may not be able to stay in the family home (all down to how my late father's estate is distributed, and affected by houses going up enormously in value whilst money in the bank is barely moving).

Just a question of plodding on, I suppose.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

KizzyKazaer

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #31 on: 23 May 2021 06:29PM »
You don't need to apologise for absence, Sunny.  If you're having to think about another place to live, then posting on message boards isn't the highest priority, is it?  No wonder you're having trouble with downward moods and routines with all that going on.  I suppose you must now be looking for another home?

Sunshine Meadows

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #32 on: 26 May 2021 11:11AM »
Sunny,

It sounds like going on the other message board is not making you life feel better, maybe it is time to accept that past adventures and riding a wave of interesting friendly posting there are no more. A long time ago message boards were places that could give us hits of dopamine mostly because they were so busy. These days things have moved on so much and for me it has meant I went from watching Tiktok compilations on Facebook to being on Tiktok itself. Lockdown meant a large number of women our age and younger ended up over there and watching it throughout the day has me feeling better. It might be worth you giving it a whorl. If you want some help navigating and using Tiktok let me know.

I realise the bigger issues are what is happening in your home life , your home and inheritance. This might be a stretch but do you remember the story of Hannah Hauxwell 

https://www.yorkshirepost.co.uk/lifestyle/homes-and-gardens/yorkshire-farmer-hannah-hauxwells-retirement-cottage-sale-115277

Fiz

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #33 on: 26 May 2021 06:36PM »
Hi Sunny, lovely to see you back. Ouch isn't the same without you  :f_hug:

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #34 on: 30 May 2021 07:08PM »
I typed 'sorry I'm still coming and going' and then thought 'but they said I don't have to say sorry' and deleted it.

I'm still all over the place.  Some days, I make lots of progress, catching up on things I'd put off, and other days I do very little at all.

Today it felt like I did nothing, mostly just sat at my computer watching videos or listening to them if the sound was clear whilst doing puzzles.   However, I just typed in then deleted a list of lots of little things I've done and reminded myself I'm doing more than I thought I was.

The other board I mentioned has left me feeling upset again, except that I feel differently, and in part it's what Sunshine said, and in part it's other stuff that's been going through my head.

There's someone there I'll give you my biased view of.  If you go on that site, you'll have your own views, and if you don't, well you don't have to assume I'm right, this is about my perceptions and the impact on me of them.

She says she represents Gypsies & Travellers (not that she'd use capitals) on the Welsh Senedd.  She also says she isn't Gypsy, Roma or Traveller.  I regard her attitudes towards GRT people as offensive, and she regards them as realistic.  Apparently we're almost all illiterate.  Well, I know a lot of others of Traveller heritage, and they've typically been at least partly literate, and a good few were very well educated.  

Today's thoughts had been "Well, that's Wales, not England." then "And I shall carry on doing my little bit here."  E.g. when people where I live talk of 'dirty Gypsies' in the local park, I ask them to consider something.  We have residential road corners with the front of a house on one road and the side of the house and garden on the other.  We get dumped rubbish alongside the gardens.

I say to people to look what sort of rubbish it is.  Almost always you can see evidence that it comes from a house.  I then ask why we have to live near all these 'dirty house-dwellers'.  I say there's so much less rubbish in the park.  Just domestic rubbish, not the aftermath of a slumlord clearing out a flat or a kitchen being renovated or windows being replaced.  Oh, and people don't spot my heritage because I live in a detached house. 

I need to get stronger and stronger and remind myself that it doesn't matter if I go on a site and from my perspective some people are posting stuff that feels to me to be prejudiced and socially excluding. 

And what I've learnt/absorbed from Ouchers is an important part of that.  Remembering to feel pride not inadequacy.

That being said, I was thinking the other day how I've valued some of the interactions I've had with Ouchers I've had significant disagreements with, because I've learnt a lot.  E.g. Ote and I have disagreed a lot about D/d/HoH issues, yet I've learnt some really important stuff from him about inequalities in service provision and representation that I hadn't been aware of.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #35 on: 30 May 2021 07:10PM »
Incidentally, as regards Tiktok, I'm not quite sure what it would offer.  I've never used it or seen it.  I don't have a smartphone - does it work with a desktop so I could see other people's videos?
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

Fiz

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #36 on: 30 May 2021 09:15PM »
I know nothing of tiktok, you'd have to ask sunshine

ally

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #37 on: 31 May 2021 04:10PM »
Sunny I read that post on the other site.  I’ve no idea what sort of job she has.  However, you can’t lump all travellers etc into one category.   What about two travellers I read about a while ago.  Both had got into Oxford to read literature?  They both left university with good degrees.   I hardly imagine Oxford would’ve given them a place had they been illiterate.  I think the one posting on the other site has allowed her job to go to her head.  I can’t imagine travellers being fond of someone like her, who thinks she knows everything about them, and, their culture.  She’s possibly imposing her negative views on them.  

I think the only way you can truly know about travellers, and other cultures, is if you’re one yourself, and, she’s not.   It isn’t the same thing.  However, I’ve had hearing people deciding whats best for me in most aspects of my life.  I resent it, because most times they don’t have a clue.  I know what I need, and, want,  not them, as they’re not deaf, I am.  Some deaf don’t have good English skills, however, I do, so, you can’t lump all deaf into the same category either.  I’m sure the poster knows your views on the subject, as you’ve mentioned it before on that site.  Don’t allow her, and, others get to you. X

On the edge

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #38 on: 31 May 2021 07:26PM »
I know nothing of tiktok, you'd have to ask sunshine
I thought TikTok and Instagram were for people 18-30 photographing their own dinner and making themselves look silly, really so never got involved with them really.

Fiz

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #39 on: 01 Jun 2021 06:40AM »
I use Instagram. I have a personal account which I connect with family and I follow a couple of famous people and I also have a professional account on an old phone for campaigning for changes to mental health services and I connect with organisations and MPs that are involved in mental health. Being a professional account anyone can follow you, no permissions needed, so I have gained a lot of individuals who have experienced either trauma or other mental health issues who are following me too. 

Instagram has much higher security on personal account settings than Facebook does. The public can't see anything you post whereas Facebook is lapsidaisical. I have considered leaving Facebook many times in recent months because the newsfeed is now 50% adverts which drives me nuts. I refuse to buy from any company that clogs up my newsfeed with adverts! Facebook must be making billions daily with the current amount of advertising. Instagram is much better. But I would miss a few connections that I have on Facebook plus I belong to a few Facebook groups that are really helpful or that I have friends in that I have known for decades whom I would miss so I am still there for now.

The only platform I don't use is Twitter. I joined for a few days but was shocked by the vitriol that I was reading. To me Twitter appeared to be somewhere you could state your opinion and others could slate that opinion adding personal attacks into the response. It didn't appear to be about social connections at all so I deleted my account on leaving having never posted a tweet or replied to anybody there.

On the edge

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #40 on: 01 Jun 2021 10:17AM »
I agree about Facebook but don't see the Instagram or TikTok areas conducive to what I do.  Twitter is just abuse mainly so I just post links to my blog on it and don't lay myself open to the abusers.  Basically I cannot do trivia which is mostly what these sites produce.   A lot are 'image' driven so with a face like mine it would be pointless and I have no intention following that direction.  Being old school it looks Iike an 18-30 thing and the last thing they want is oldies like me dribbling everywhere.  It's all daft videos and selfies or something neither of which I do.  What I was told was that I need to lighten up and be more social...  oops I thought I was a crowd pleaser :f_laugh:

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #41 on: 03 Jun 2021 04:42PM »
Quote
What I was told was that I need to lighten up and be more social...

It's not for me, then. The only sort of lightening up I do is dark humour, random flippancy, and plays on words, all of which, all too often, lead me into lengthy analysis.

I don't post on Facebook any more and have never posted on Twitter, Instagram etc.  Facebook's algorithms spotted my name wasn't real a few years back.  Someone I know told me how to fake it, i.e. photoshop a bus pass and something else.  I was too slow, though, and having missed the two week deadline, now it would be harder.

To my surprise, I didn't really miss facebook.

Something I thought of joining is something I get intermittent advertising for and others mention, but I'm not sure I've got the name right - My Street?  Anyway, it's something along those lines, but I wasn't sure how much info about me would end up in algorithms I don't want.

That being said, I think we can say Google knows all about me.  Something that really bugged me was that I volunteered to help out a community group that has a website.  I agreed to have an email address that was my first name at their website email.

But someone on the committee asked someone else to set me up with a googlemail, and they did it in my real name.  My first name isn't very common and my last name is very unusual.  Google already knows roughly where I live from what I've searched for, e.g. supermarket website, click on branch info for the times, find you've landed on a Googlemaps thingy.  Match that with my name and they've got me.  I was furious.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

Fiz

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #42 on: 04 Jun 2021 07:19AM »
Wowsers pretty sure you can delete that Gmail account. I have deleted a Gmail account sunny. I would definitely do that. I don't have a Gmail account now because I don't want Google knowing everything about me! My pixel (Google) phone automatically created me a Gmail account when I got the phone and when I deleted it I was severely punished as deleting the account attached to the phone resulted in Google emptying my calendar and phone contacts! Thankfully my phone contacts were still on my old phone as were important dates like birthdays and appointments. 

I keep my surname off Facebook. Despite that a creep I met on a dating site managed to find me on Facebook. When he messaged me after our meeting during which I said a definite goodbye, I responded by blocking him. But it shows that common first name or not, even without a surname, people can find you. I have my settings fairly high privacy wise so all the public see are profile and cover photos.

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #43 on: 04 Jun 2021 11:37AM »
The trouble is that once Google has your name and can map it onto your computer, it can match that to information it's got elsewhere.

I'm not sure how it works, but what I do know is that if I delete all my cookies then go on a site that checks whether my line's ok, it knows where I am.  I.e. it's the location of my internet connection it knows, not my actual computer.  Maybe that's not an issue with a smartphone connection, I have no idea.

But in practical terms, since Google's computers probably have, from Youtube and from non-Google sites that feed info back to it, a fair bit of info as to my health conditions, political views etc. I don't feel comfortable about that being mapped onto my name.

But then if I don't get in fast with my refusal of consent form, my GP will give my personal info to a database that will be sold commercially by the government (I think they're phrasing it as companies paying to use it) loads of info on me will be in the big companies that then share info, officially or unofficially.

That being said, one of the things I get most heated about in relation to mental health services is just how much patient information they share with other organisations on a general basis.  For example, I know that info about me from the local mental health trust has been shared with the police (who were happy to delete it as it didn't actually interest or concern them), social services, Ofsted, and even some private companies, charities and voluntary groups. 

And that for me is typical of how information gets spread around.  So I suppose it shouldn't bug me about Google's computers mapping information it has on the sites I visit to my name, because if info on me were to be used in the future by an organisation they choose to sell their info to, there'd be loads from elsewhere anyway.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

Fiz

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Re: Thinking of you all
« Reply #44 on: 04 Jun 2021 09:00PM »
You can opt out of NHS data sharing via this site it's easily done. 

https://digital.nhs.uk/services/national-data-opt-out

I opted out of NHS data sharing in 2013 and I have checked my settings recently due to the NHS plans to continue with their plans to data share but I am still on opted out from years back. 

If it was simple information gathering on diagnosis, conditions, medication etc I would be fine with it but no one's taking that information from my file with the possibility of linking it to my NHS number that's for sure..Too much information. Had the government wanted the information for planning purposes and only gathered anonymous statistics that would have been fine. But they have to throw in Big Brother..