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Unintended consequences of lockdowns

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Sunny Clouds:
I was put off stuff because maybe four years ago or so, I tried meeting up with a local woman I used to know through work, and found that she is unpleasantly invasive socially, physically.   Best example - I told her I'd been to a meeting setting up a new oldies group.  She didn't ask me anything about it.   Just before the next meeting, she phoned to say she was coming.  I decided not to go.  I got a phone call from her, shouting "Where are you?!!" 

I'd go to an event with her and she'd just wander off, leaving me.  She'd go to sit at a table or on a bench and move strangers' bags and coats around instead of sitting on an empty seat.

But I was so lonely and so lacking confidence, and I'm also awareness of an aspect of myself where I need to know exactly what the rules are, exactly what 'my' space, role, function is etc., that initially I thought I was over-sensitive.

It seriously damaged my confidence, but as I type this, I've realised I haven't stuck to something I promised myself.  I was going to stop trying to find 'friends' and focus on finding 'people to have coffee with' vel sim.

I would love to have a life partner.  I would love to have half a dozen really, really close friends.  I'm fed up with my closest friends dying and dementing. 

Ok, my key 'social' task for the next week and a half - draw up a list of 'events' and 'activities' and 'attractions' locally and find someone who'd like to go to one.  Given that I've said I'm not particularly into parks, I would, however, like to meet someone in one of those places that go by various names but tend to be called 'Gardens', with a tea shop and either exotic plants or plants with explanations.  What I think of as 'plant zoos'.

Aha, animal zoos.  I'm not into 'exotic' animals, but I'll happily go to what I'll call a 'city farm' where us urbanites can go and look at sheep and ponies.

Oh wotsit.  How can I feel sorry for myself for being lonely if I can't say I've no ideas for reducing the loneliness a bit?


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