In crisis – where to find help

[Sunshine Meadows]

Some people wont want to post on the boards and we still want to help them by suggesting resources and websites we recommend.

In crisis – where to find help (list compiled by Otter- thank you)

Samaritans – contact via phone, email, letter or face to face
In the UK and also the Republic of Ireland - dial FREEPHONE 116123
http://www.samaritans.org/

SANE – contact via phone, email and online forum 
phone 08457 67 80 00
http://www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/ 

Bullying UK contact via phone, email, online chat
phone 0808 800 2222
http://www.bullying.co.uk/

Papyrus- teenagers and young adults
phone Hope Line UK 0800 068 41 41
http://www.papyrus-uk.org/

Child Line- children and teenagers as well as concerned adults
Phone, email, online chat
0800 11 11      (number is short so easily remembered)
http://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/Home.aspx


Support, Information and Resources – for when you’re feeling up to it, can see the woods from the trees

MIND – if in crisis recommends you contact the Samaritans
http://www.mind.org.uk/help/advice_lines

Depression Alliance   http://www.depressionalliance.org/

CALM – the campaign against living miserably, men aged 15 to 35
http://www.thecalmzone.net/

Students Against Depression
http://www.studentdepression.org/


Large mental health service directory for information for when you’re out of the woods – tailored to condition

http://www.mentalhealthsupport.co.uk/MentalHealthService/service_directory.html

[Sunshine Meadows]

Hi All,

This board was set to Read Only and I have changed it to allow posting. I am logged into my Admin account, could someone post to this thread so I know there is general access to the board.

Thank you.
 >bighugs<

[lankou]

Testing

[Sunshine Meadows]

Thank you  >star<

[Fiz]

I've tried a few times to get through to the Samaritans in recent weeks. It's a challenge to me because I struggle with telephones. But each time it rings and rings and every now and then there's a message saying that although they are busy "do stay on the line". My anxiety gets worse and worse as the wait for an answer continues then I throw in the "they're obviously so busy and other people more deserving/desperate are waiting for an answer" and I have yet to win the battle with my anxiety and stay in the queue long enough to speak to someone. It just shows how needed the Samaritans are though doesn't it, that it takes so long to get through. I always panic that if I ever did get through, I wouldn't know what to say.

[Sunny Clouds]

I call the Sams and find waiting difficult.  More often than not, I ring off, but I've realised over time that often what matters most to me is the knowledge that there are people out there that care, and the knowledge that there are others, like me, struggling.   The latter is important because often when I'm struggling I feel a strong sense of inadequacy, so knowing that others are struggling makes me feel less awful about myself.

That being said, who's to say who's more deserving than whom?  Why is your life or your peace of mind or your welfare or whatever worth less than anyone else's?  You wouldn't think that of someone else, would you?  Or if you would, you've never shown it here.

And if it sounds like I'm preaching, I've been struggling with this in other areas of my life and I'm saying "Please don't do as I was doing."  Having been let down or even cheated by so many professionals, tradesmen and service providers, I ended up feeling I was taking advantage of others if I asked for free help.

During the pandemic, I've found myself brought more into contact with neighbours in contexts where the need for help has come up.  I've had neighbours help with lots of stuff and I've done my best to help.  One neighbour, stridently demanding I hand over my laundry when I'd got washing machine problems, reminded me that I'd once mentioned having done a neighbour's laundry for him.  That neighbour wasn't saying "I'm doing yours because you did his" she was saying "You didn't expect him to feel he was taking advantage of you, did you?  You felt good being able to help someone." 

I have thanked the different neighbour whose medication I've been collecting for them about once a month since the start of the pandemic, a round trip on foot of over an hour each time, for reminding me that I like helping others so I needn't feel awkward about asking others for help.  Another neighbour felt free to ask to borrow some of my mobility aids that I don't need whilst my ataxia is in remission.  Etc.


Sometimes just for a chat, I phone Silverline.  You only get a few minutes, but they cheer me up.

I used to look for other numbers via Helplines Partnership, but they recently changed their website and I can't get it to work.

In the past, I've found comfort also from helplines that are there to deal with particular issues.  There isn't always a relevant one, but you never know your luck, and what suits one person won't suit another.  At 'marmite' extremes would be a prayer helpline. Depending on your beliefts, that could be wonderful, dreadful or uninteresting.

[Sunny Clouds]

On a lighter note - I shouldn't have put myself in 'samaritan' mental zone...

An old friend called in the night, needing someone to outpour on and we were on the phone for around three hours and now I can't sleep. 

It was a very productive conversation, though.  She called about a problem I'd had not long ago, and it drifted onto problems I'd had.  We bounced our problems and solutions back and forth, both gaining.

I suppose that's the bit you don't get from a Sam.  Usually, that's good, being able to focus on your own problems, but I also value those moments, online or off, when it goes both ways.

[Sunny Clouds]

Just to add - the going both ways thing includes this thread - we bounce back and forth our experiences of trying to get help from the Sams.  My visceral reaction to your post was "Well if Fiz needs the help of the Sams, I certainly don't need to be shy telling people that I do." 

Regardless of whether anything specific I've said helps or not, I hope the reminder that other Ouchers also feel the need for Sams-type help helps you a bit.

[Fiz]

Yes it definitely helps to feel less alone but also good to know people find them helpful as I have never managed to hold on long enough in the phone queue to get a response so I wouldn't know. It doesn't help that I struggle with telephones. I worry that I will suddenly feel high anxiety and will need to end the call which will appear rude.

[Sunny Clouds]

I've made many calls to the Sams over the years, in bouts, as it were, when things get tough.  I first started calling when I was an in-patient in a psychiatric unit.  Yes, the psychological support was so lacking and the abuse of patients so bad that I needed the help of the Sams to cope with it.

I used to like it better when you could call a specific branch on their own number if you wanted.  We each have different communication styles and I found mine mapped on best to people in certain parts of the country.  I could also pick towns where I got through quickly, so inferred they were less busy.

I find that those that respond best to my personal style are either male or, if female, sounding older and maybe a bit 'posh' or 'refined'.  That's because I instinctively describe not what I'm feeling but what it is that I'm feeling about.  Men seem to be more accultured to that whereas younger-sounding women are more likely to want to know how I feel.  But obviously, these are stereotypes and people are all individuals.

The thing is, though, that it's ok not to find all Sams equally helpful.

There have been times when I've called and got through then explained immediately or a bit later that what has helped most is just knowing someone's there that cares.  I thank them warmly and end the call.  I don't suppose it causes offence so long as they get a sense they've helped.

Ideas about ending calls - what about saying at the start that you're not sure how much battery your phone's got left or that you're having trouble with your phone line?  Then you can leave by saying "Hello?  Hello?  Aaah, wretched phone!"   Or what about ending the calls by saying something like "Oh, there's someone at the door!  I'd better go and sort it.  Thank you so much for being there."

(Now all I need to do is to work out how to end in-person interactions.  I never have a clue how and when to end an in-person interaction with a friend or neighbour.  I'm clueless on those little verbal and physical hints people give.)

[Fiz]

Yes ways of ending unhelpful calls is a good thing to plan for. It is one of the reasons that I struggle with telephones generally so it was inevitable that I am unlikely to find phoning any helpline as helpful as other people might. I used to find the Samaritans text service so helpful and was sad when it stopped due to lack of manpower.

[Sunny Clouds]

What I struggle with in relation to ending calls, be it personal calls or calls to the Sams or calls to call centres, isn't what I'll call the preparatory winding up, but who says the final word(s).

I've had a long term problem with this.

I had a manager who got angry with me more than once.  She'd tell me to do something and I'd summarise what I was going to do before walking away (i.e. moving on, not storming off).  E.g. "Ok.  I'll tell the team we'll be holding the meeting on Tuesday, I'll arrange cover for the phones, and I'll make sure the documents are with the print room and ready in time."  She suddenly snapped one day and finally I realised what she was upset by.  She asked "Why do you always have to have the last word?"  I realised I was doing my army thing.  Superior + junior, final words are variants on "I'll get onto it right away, sir."  Not 'having the last word' but 'acknowledging the command'.

But there's that bit ending a call after one of you has said you're going to and you've agreed you're going to end the call. Who says the final goodbye?  I don't feel confident about it and have to keep telling myself that the majority of people, unlike that manager, don't care who says the final "Thanks for being there."  or "Talk again soon." or whatever.

As I type that, I realise the version I find easiest is when you're with a group of people and you leave.  "Bye!" you shout.  "Bye!" they chorus back.

[Fiz]

Zoom meetings are the worst, there's a chunk of reality in this sketch 

https://youtube.com/shorts/2R5jOVZJCK4?feature=share

[Sunny Clouds]

That is a wonderful video.  I shall be sharing it with a couple of others.  I've only been to zoom meetings with one group of people, once a week, with a few gaps, between autumn last year and spring this year.  It was obvious some people were more zoomified than others.

There's another ending I find difficult - emails.

I can cope with letters.  I was brought up with Dear Sir, yours faithfully; Dear Mr Bloggs, your sincerely; Dear Dad, love.

Now I've got to work out whether to say kind regards, regards, best wishes, best, best regards, love, much love...   or just my name with or without kisses. And how many kisses is ok? 

Ok, so maybe finishing a phone call isn't so hard after all!