Quiet in here, is everyone OK?

[lankou]

Quiet in here, is everyone OK? (Or as OK as is possible due to personal circumstances.)
There has been little "traffic" on the forum for several days.

[Sunny Clouds]

Very depressed almost to the point of struggling to get key tasks done, but fighting it.  I'm trying not to post non-stop because I don't know how to be brief at the best of times but struggle more when I'm like this.

Today, I'm going to meet up with someone I know who's recently been bereaved.  It's the second time since their loss.  Last time, we discovered we'd got a shared interest in 'cause of war' documentaries.  Erm, that was just before Putin sent his troops into Ukraine.  Meeting them will also leave me having to go via a high street to get home, so I'll be inclined to do some shopping I've not got round to doing.

In a week or so, I'm taking a fairly new friend to a local event.  That for me is a major adventure because I just never do that. 

A couple of days ago, I checked up on an old friend I haven't seen for ages who's long-covid-ed & reminded them I'm willing to help out with stuff like shopping if needed.  The friend was doubtful until I pointed out I knew where they live and which buses to catch to get there (3 buses each way, but one change is on a high street with some nice bargain shops).  She said that when she's a little better, she'd like to meet near her for a walk or tea.

I'm also in contact on the phone with a friend in her nineties who's got cancer.  I'm annoyed.  It's her problem she might not live long enough to get her telegram, but mine if I lose another friend, grrhh.

That's soon after 'losing' two friends when one made a racist comment to me and the other excused it; and soon after realising another 'friend' was exploiting me financially, practically and emotionally.

I come here and frankly am concerned about how rough various other Ouchers are feeling, and struggle to think what to do except offer hugs, trying to resist the temptation to make too many practical suggestions that might actually be totally useless.

I'll make one to you. Feel free to tell me to bog off.  Suggestion - tell us how you're doing.  Oh, and here's a thank-you for putting up with my odd reference here and there over the years to demons vel sim., mon ami.   

[lankou]

I'll make one to you. Feel free to tell me to bog off.  Suggestion - tell us how you're doing.  Oh, and here's a thank-you for putting up with my odd reference here and there over the years to demons vel sim., mon ami.   

I rarely tell people to bog off. It appears you are engaged with helping others.
As for me, my wife and I are getting prepared for a holiday in Brittany in a few days. (The paperwork is driving us nuts.)
This will be our last holiday in our mobile home in Brittany as due to old age it has got to the stage it needs to be scrapped.
(The contents we are not bringing back will be sorted and cleared away by a charity out in Brittany who will able to make use of most of it.)
All however is not lost, a Breton friend has just put three new mobile homes on his site for use as holiday rentals.  We have booked a two week holiday on October for a whole €300. His site has a bus stop outside so once on site we will not need to use the car.

[Sunshine Meadows]

I have been feeling rough and still mostly burnt out when it comes to online forums although you may have noticed some of us are making use of the 3am Board and I am thankful it is there.


It  is good to have a thread like this though.


 

[lankou]

I have been feeling rough and still mostly burnt out when it comes to online forums although you may have noticed some of us are making use of the 3am Board and I am thankful it is there.


It  is good to have a thread like this though.


 

At 3am I am fast asleep in bed.

[Sunny Clouds]

 

[Fiz]

I've been struggling so not visiting the board daily as I normally would. Feeling slightly brighter today though, just hoping it isn't just a 'blip' of improvement and hoping it's a sign I may be starting to climb out of this hole. We'll see. Yesterday I left the house to collect medication and it was definitely warmer. Is spring on its way?

[Sunny Clouds]

Well if spring's on its way where you are, could you send it here, please?  I had a mask in my pocket and went to put it on to go into a shop on my way home and found it totally sodden.  Fortunately, I'd got another in my bag.

Come to think of it, though, the flowers will like the rain.  Give it a few days until they've had enough here, and we can go swaps.  You can have our rain and we'll have your sunshine.

[KizzyKazaer]

Hope your spring has arrived by now, Sunny and anyone else who's been waiting - we had lots of rain last week, but now the sun has been shining steadily for the past four days with the promise of more to come, so things can start drying up a bit! 


I've not been around much lately (trying to catch up with other stuff, including cleaning) but I'm never too far away, still keeping a beady eye on you all 

[Sunny Clouds]

Yup, we've got sunshine and my daffodils have gone wild, as have local birds who are determined that my deafness and their distance from me in the trees won't get in the way of being informed that they're out for some good 'relationships'. 

I've been feeling very, very low but kindness here and elsewhere keeps me going, plus the knowledge that others are somehow still keeping going despite having a rough time.

Yesterday, I went to London for an anti-racism march.  I was struggling to get it together to do it, and some people online offered to phone me to chivvy me.  I accepted an offer and got a cheerful telephone nudge at half past six in the morning.

Sadly, though, when on Wednesday I went to meet the bereaved friend I mentioned upthread, they never turned up.  After I'd been there for about 15 min,  I bought my meal, which was over a tenner, not least because I don't think it's fair to occupy a seat and table without spending money.  But I rarely eat out, so I wouldn't spend that much if I wasn't meeting someone.

When I phoned after to ask what happened, they snapped at me for asking, then said they'd decided not to come because of the heavy rain.  I made empathetic noises and found that they're really struggling, but also that they have a lot of complaints about what others aren't doing for them.

I don't like to be hard-nosed about it, but too often in life I've made too many allowances for people not treating me with basic respect, and that person also messed me about on two previous occasions about different things, so as far as I'm concerned, it's not just bereavement. 

So next time, firm rules.  We arrange to meet on a sheltered seat in a public place before going for a coffee or whatever, and if they're not there by ten minutes after agreed time, I don't wait.

Anyway, for me, it's a bit more of life survived and I'll make more totally unoriginal huggy noises to you lovely fellow Ouchers.

 

[Fiz]

Sorry you were treated so disrespectfully by your "friend" sunny. Imo there's no excuse for such disrespect, you are worth more than that and many people would be justified in letting such a relationship go 


It's definitely warmer than it was. Due to the fuel price hike in April I had intended turning the central heating off on the last day of March but am trialling it off from today. I dyed my hair today and have to virtually strip for that for the 30 minute duration so needed the heating for this morning though the thermostat is set at 14° so it only came on for less than an hour first thing.


I had a cry for no reason at all this morning, just because I was low. I then in desperation contemplated the Consultant Psychiatrist's offer of rTMS and wondered whether I should give rTMS a go. I phoned CMHT and left a message for the team lead to call me back which he hasn't done hours later and calmer now I think I was just responding to the feelings of the moment and not making a thought out rational decision. I'm not sure it's possible to make a well thought out rational decision when feeling this low though. Like lemmings we follow the crowd and do as we are led, blindly. I've researched it widely and have only read one rTMS success story, in contrast to many who gained no benefit from it, many who said the leaflet citing it is pain free is untruthful and that it's painful but not unbearable and considering severe depression is painful in many ways, is no worse than that. Most concerning is some people feel debilitatingly fatigued in the weeks of the therapy and as I am barely functioning need that like a hole in the head. But I haven't read of anyone being left with more than short term side effects, no long term harm. I can't believe I am even considering it but when desperate I think most people would try anything.


I'm reading Matt Haig's The Midnight Library which is thought provoking.