Author Topic: The sort of support I'm at a loss for  (Read 508 times)

Sunny Clouds

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The sort of support I'm at a loss for
« on: 01 Aug 2021 08:58PM »
I have a notion of what sort of support I need.  The problem is that it clashes with one of my  biggest problems of recent years that I'm fighting back against psychologically.

I feel I need people to advise me, help me to make decisions, calm me etc.  I'd love to have someone to come into my study, read my paperwork, help me out.

There are professionals that do most of what I want, and thanks to my inheritance, i can afford them.

But I have had problems with pretty much every sort of tradesman, utility, professional etc. I've had help from, both privately paid such as solicitors, plumbers, builders etc., and publicly provided, such as nurses, doctors, social workers, therapists etc.  I have been let down, ripped off, cheated, lied to or whatever so many times and by so many different sorts of people that I'm scared to get professional advice/help.

I stress that I'm saying every sort not every individual.

But then that comes full circle to how I feel and what help I need, because I reckon the sort of help I need above all is someone I pay to help me instruct people to help me without getting ripped off.  That extra layer, as it were.

Looking back on it, in practical terms, I think that often that was the key service I was providing for Dad.

My sole hope in this is that over the last year or so, I've increasingly felt able to accept offers of voluntary help from local people and now feel able to ask for it.

I also feel more able to be blunt.  I've had a neighbour offer help with a couple of things then withdraw that offer, not to be horrid, but, I believe, because he knew I'd had problems in the past and didn't want to be responsible for more.  Ironically, he later recommended a workman who damaged my property then denied it was him.  I now feel able to ask for help whilst making it explicitly clear that they shouldn't feel awkward if they say no, or if they say yes but later change their mind, and that whilst I'm more trusting of help recommended that way, my neighbour's not responsible for problems they couldn't predict.

I still hate it, though.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

bulekingfisher

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Re: The sort of support I'm at a loss for
« Reply #1 on: 16 Aug 2021 03:55PM »
Hello Sunny Cloud's


About getting the best of trade's people inviter them in + share a cup of tea + a general chit chat, natter talk about day to day event's + gradually question them about what they will do + what their expectation's are after they do their job (hope this help's)

Sunny Clouds

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Re: The sort of support I'm at a loss for
« Reply #2 on: 16 Aug 2021 08:27PM »
Yes, it does help.  I hadn't thought of taking that approach.  It's definitely worth a try.  Thank you.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

Sunshine Meadows

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Re: The sort of support I'm at a loss for
« Reply #3 on: 17 Aug 2021 03:25PM »
It can be so difficult to find the right sort of help with any task really. I know my home is in serious need of a good clean and yet I have not managed to be okay with having a new cleaner On the upside it has meant I hand enough money to to stuff I had only previously dreamed of. Maybe it is a matter of pot luck so give a 'new' helper small tasks and build up to things that will cost more. being ripped off does hurt a lot and at the same time not moving forward has the same result of things not getting done.


One thing I find very difficult is if I make a list of jobs say what I need to be done it is as likely to scare the prospective helper off as find someone good. I have also discovered having things written down and agreed does not prevent the other person flip flopping and trying to say that was not their understanding blah blah blah,


Not long ago I had to fill in Mr Sunshine's PIP form and it was knackering, I just did not have my head in it, and have ended up being unsure as to whether or not I mentioned that he was no longer working. Pfffft I did make a copy but don't want to read it again so if it goes kabluewie I am going to have to work properly on the reconsideration. Sorry to have rambled off into my own thoughts here

Sunny Clouds

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Re: The sort of support I'm at a loss for
« Reply #4 on: 19 Aug 2021 11:10AM »
Yes, the PIP malarkey is stressful to say the least.  I did my DLA to PIP migration in 2017 and I now wonder how soon they'll re-assess me.  If they weren't going to, the government will probably change the rules.

So well done on completing the form.  Incidentally, on my reconsideration, they messed up on a technicality (timing), so I was able to demand a second reconsideration instead of an appeal.  Sadly, they were too quick, so I missed the restoration of mental mobility by three days, but at least I got the other stuff.  It's like a crazy sport, so well done for surviving this round, and here's hoping you've scored a knockout!

I've got something I need help with - my first laptop, I use out of date windows 7 on my desktop and decided to buy a laptop and get stuff on that before messing round with my desktop.

I thought of asking a neighbour for help.  Before I could ask her, I bumped into her (at arm's length!) and when I mentioned the laptop, she offered to help.  That's given me more confidence, because I'd judged right that it would have been ok to ask.

So that will be my way forward for now - ask neighbours a lot more, whilst, when I need a tradesman or similar, trying Bule's method of chat over cuppa.  I still need to work out  how to pluck up courage to instruct professionals again and it's getting serious because it won't be long before I need to prepare the final tax accounts for Dad's estate.  I did all the probate myself, but HMRC has got in a total mess advising me on tax rates on things like building society interest and house value gain, so I need a professional.

Anyway, today I'm going out to a local outdoor historical attraction with a local group.  They're the sort who'll all socially distance sensibly.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)