Author Topic: Overwhelm  (Read 194 times)

Fiz

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Overwhelm
« on: 06 Nov 2021 02:11PM »
Trigger warning, talk of suicide


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I suspect I may speak for many people with various disabilities here when I speak of overwhelm. My disabilities are a mix of structural disabilities and mental health problems that are historic and not caused by the difficulties caused by my physical disabilities.


I can cope on a day to day basis with my pain, fatigue and mental health difficulties but if life throws in a curve ball such as physical tasks that need doing in a certain time scale or I need to meet set targets and I am physically unable due to pain, extreme fatigue or similar that throws into my fragile mental health state a complete inability to cope as I see no practical or logical solution to the problems before me and I go into a state of overwhelm and into a mental health crisis and have frequently been detained under the MHA or almost managed to end my life due to overwhelm.


The answer from my point of view only would be the availability of practical support when needed plus people alongside me in real life to help me negotiate life's difficulties and inevitable hurdles life brings. I don't have anyone local to help me or respond and my only emotional support is online so inevitably I face overwhelm and hospital admission fairly regularly.


I guess it's a whimsical wish that such services would exist that many people would keep out of hospital and better able to manage life. I know that it's the current government's plan to put responses into the court of the voluntary sector but who are they? From my experience people who once upon a time might have had one working parent and one parent caring for children who might be in school are now both having to work full time to make ends meet. So who exactly will provide the help needed for those experiencing overwhelm? And what is the answer to overwhelm? Surely not detention under the MHA?

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Overwhelm
« Reply #1 on: 06 Nov 2021 03:06PM »
I can really relate to that.

I think detention under the MHA, whilst sometimes appropriate, is most likely a waste of money.  I've only been held briefly under that for a few hours, delaying a discharge whilst a doctor came to assess me, but I've been effectively detained that way for 3 months in a 'respite unit' by means of the threat of sectioning me if I tried to discharge myself.  I say that firstly to say I can relate to detention and secondly to point out to anyone reading this that doesn't know about how the MHA is used that in reality a lot more are detained than the statistics show.

I don't think the government sees it that way, though.

But given that I believe the government is trying to privatise our welfare state American-style, I simply cling onto the sort of thing where community helps one another.  It shouldn't have to be that way, ordinary people giving what they've got left after being exploited whilst the mega rich get richer, but it's better than nowt.

During the pandemic, where I am as in other places, people have come together more in various ways and I have hopes that that will expand in other ways.

I also think how my nana, whilst cared for for the last few years of her life in an asylum, coped at home alone far further into depression and dementia than she might otherwise have done, because she was in that state in the days when more women were home and more going to the shops a bit at a time on foot.  Knock the door "I'm going to the butchers and greengrocers, can I get you anything?"

Also, when I was a kid,  elders helped to look after kids, and in exchange others in the community did stuff like mowing their lawns.  I've lived in places with a bit of "I'm fixing my fence, can I do yours?"  But culturally that sort of thing, including paying it forward, i.e. Mrs X looks after your children, so you fix Mr Y's gate, isn't sufficiently universal. 

During the pandemic, though, where I am and in other places, this has been rejuvenated but on a more formal basis.  Not just picking up shopping etc. but spending time chatting with lonely people. 

Given the chance and a proper system, I bet loads more people out there would actually like to volunteer to help people in other ways.  Even daily care.  It happens in some places, just not organised like foodbanks. 

I place my hope for old age care if I live much longer on being able to continue to live somewhere with a couple of spare rooms (which doesn't have to be an enormous place because I'm fine with a bedsitting room for me) so I can have au-pair carers.  I don't think our society makes enough use of them. Why isn't there a proper tie-in between student unions and/or universities & colleges and groups organising care for disabled people, including those that wouldn't call themselves 'disabled' but who need help/care?  In the sixth form, I did organised community service, visiting elders, doing cleaning and tidying gardens etc.  But that was on a rota.  It could be expanded and be made regular.

Then what money disabled people do have would go further.

I have such a mixture of near-despair and genuine hope.  Precious little faith our government will improve things but quite a bit of hope there'll be more helping of neighbours.  We shouldn't need foodbanks, clothing banks etc. but look how they've expanded.

Recently I was called by someone I know. He was on the phone for nearly five hours, which I find mind-boggling.  I enjoy chatting but realistically, almost all my interactions with him are like that one - me helping him in crisis.  You could see it one-way in that relationship, or you could see it two-way in my life, with others being there for me, albeit in different ways (i.e. not specifically a long call like that).

So I agree that more help of the right sort at the right time is what should happen, I don't think our government wants to spend on that, but I have hope that people around the country are using things like the internet to network and set up schemes in communities to provide help people need.

(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

Sunshine Meadows

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Re: Overwhelm
« Reply #2 on: 06 Nov 2021 03:10PM »
I hear you  :f_smiley:


I get what you are saying about being overwhelmed. It has made me think of my Mum and how when she had not long given birth to my twin brother and I she ended up back in hospital for physical repairs. My Dad had to pay towards the cost of the care of his six week old twins who were put in a care unit. A couple of years later Mum's mental health broke down because of physical abuse, five little kids, poverty and none of the stuff we have now like dryers and automatic washing machines. She ended up sectioned and we got sent to our Aunties for a bit then found ourselves back at home and Dad had a council home help. When Mum finally came home the physical help and support Dad had got went pooft and Mum had to manage. Only it was not just managing it was also showing a level of mental strength and ability that would mean she could not be sectioned again.


I saw a Tik tok the other day the maker was upset about her life in general and mentioned riding the wave until things get better. Someone commented tie yourself to the mast and ride through the storm. We have to do that, remember our strength is to endure and be alive for the good stuff. I am still looking forward to the day I can take a photograph of a cherry tree that blazes red and orange this time of year. Maybe tomorrow.

Sunny Clouds

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Re: Overwhelm
« Reply #3 on: 07 Nov 2021 12:01AM »
Ps

 :big_hugs:
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)