Author Topic: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"  (Read 5802 times)

Sunny Clouds

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"I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« on: 23 Jun 2017 11:11PM »
I've come here to back off from another board where I'm close to totally exploding with fury because some posters are refusing to use the board the way it's meant to be used, so that others of us are having problems following threads, and I'm getting comments along the lines of "All I see when I do what you want is such-and-such, which I don't find helpful, so I can't see why you need me to do it."

I want to scream "Who gives a toss whether you can see how it helps, it's how the board's designed, so why do something that takes longer and is more complicated and not how the board is designed when someone is asking you not to in posts that address them personally."

I'm so fed up with it.  The overall attitude that says "I'm not going to do it because I can't see why you'd find it helpful or because I wouldn't find it helpful, even though it would take me no more effort to do it that way."

It's the other face of something that's also bugging me at the moment - the "you should use a walking stick" type comment, said insistently and in a tone of voice that overrides any argument by me, as the person they want to use one, that it doesn't help.  After all, why should I know what does or doesn't help me as opposed to what does or doesn't help people in general?

There are days when I oscillate between wanting to scream at everyone and just feeling horribly, horribly depressed and thinking I just want to hide away from the world and not interact with anyone.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

Sunny Clouds

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Re: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« Reply #1 on: 23 Jun 2017 11:36PM »
I am so incredibly emotionally fragile at the moment.   I try to deal with it with humour, to let others help me, to take time out to watch videos or listen to music etc., but I feel like I'm on a hair-trigger all the time.

The sooner I can find a way to chill again the better.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

NeuralgicNeurotic

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Re: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« Reply #2 on: 24 Jun 2017 03:37AM »
 >bighugs< >bighugs< >bighugs<

Sunshine Meadows

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Re: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« Reply #3 on: 24 Jun 2017 09:16AM »
 >bighugs< >chocolate< >apple<

Is there anything you get from being on that board that helps or makes you feel good?

I am glad you are posting about this here because there are a lot of people who care about you  >bighugs<

I dislike the notion of changing my response to someone rather than enlighten them to what a tw** they are being but some people are just weak while others are know it alls and we cant change them. Maybe it is worth a try though.

Some people cant cope with feelings of powerlessness or not being in control and so when they see someone fall over their comments are fuelled by genuine distress.

What is happened on the other board is it something like a slow loading graphic? There may be a technical way round it. I know you have a good technical knowledge yourself so I only ask in case we can fix it.

Sunny Clouds

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Re: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« Reply #4 on: 24 Jun 2017 11:49AM »
I love it on the other board, I'm just being prickly.  That's the big problem: my irritability.

Let me see if I can explain.  There's a system whereby when you go into the reply box to type your reply, all the sub-thread appears in the box.  You scroll to the bottom, or use a shortcut to go to the end, and type in your reply.  When your reply appears on the screen, what you've replied to doesn't, but there's a little symbol people can click on that drops down the discussion so they can be clear what's a reply to what.

People often quote the specific words or phrase they want to comment on, and that can often work.  But because the board works the way it does, it's common for there to be several intertwined sub-threads and  those of us with memory problems, and also those that haven't posted for a few hours or a day or so, can  have difficulty picking up who's discussing what.

If you don't want to reply to a particular post,  you can say you're 'tagging on'.  Nobody fusses too much how you say that, whether it's T/o or 'a general point' or whatever.

You can also do the reply the way I've said but also copy & paste the bit you want to specifically quote, either in quote marks or using a 'quote' button.

Often it doesn't matter, but it mattered to me yesterday because I wanted to be very, very sure of the comments, which appeared to me to be a continuation of some extremely unpleasant comments made elsewhere.

The flip side of this is that some posters find the system difficult and most people on the  board wouldn't get aeriated over it as a generality.  It was in the context of general comments being modified grammatically such that they appeared to be personal comments about my heritage and which therefore I wanted to get very clearly in context so that I could avoid misunderstanding.  I left another site because of that person's comments about my heritage.

What I should have done, of course, is to have scrolled on by, not to have got upset, because the comments may or may not have been personal, but if they were, that person would be best avoided.  I daresay that person would have a different account because we each perceive things differently.

So the problem is my prickliness and how difficult I'm finding it to avoid overreacting.

Not that you lot are helping.  Who wants healthy apples?  I need chocolate!  (Sunny stamps foot furiously, then regrets it, the foot being the broken one, and hops off irritably...)
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

NeuralgicNeurotic

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Re: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« Reply #5 on: 24 Jun 2017 03:57PM »
 >hugs<  >chocolate< >chocolate< >chocolate<

Sunny Clouds

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Re: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« Reply #6 on: 24 Jun 2017 05:13PM »
That's better, but is is the right sort of chocolate?  I'm fussy, you know.

I've been out to a demonstration.  A very small number of people did an annoying job of repeatedly bumping into me, but otherwise it went well.  However, afterwards, I walked through the shopping area where someone bumped into me and sent me flying.  I wasn't a happy bunny, landing with a thud.  Then I caught a bus and wanted the sort of priority seat that has a sidearm.  There was a young mum in the inside seat with a little girl, maybe four-ish, in the outside seat.  They didn't look inclined to move over.  I sat on a sideways seat but fell off when the  bus went round a corner.  Still the young mum didn't pick her daughter up and put her on her lap.  Another passenger told her to and she did and offered the seat to someone standing and I very politely asked the standing passenger if she'd mind having my seat and my having the seat with the sidearm, which she was fine about.  I explained that more often than not I'm fine with the side-facing seats but with a broken foot I'm struggling.

The young mum did a poor job of moving out of the way and sat cornerwise, but from her accent and appearance, I think she came from a culture with smaller personal spaces, if you see what I mean.  If she hadn't had an accent, I wouldn't have been so sure, because round here we have people from all round the world and people are now dressing up in their best frocks for Eid, which includes lovely bright clothes from various parts of the world where their parents and grandparents come from.  I told the girl that I thought the ribbon in her hair was lovely and I hoped she was going to have a fun Eid.  I'm not about to blame a little girl for her mother's behaviour, that is of itself probably because she's new here, whether visiting or coming to stay long-term.

But my poorly foot is now more painful, albeit not nastily so or anything, and it may actually be a good thing.  No, seriously.  What I've done is to smash a bone-spur on my big toe joint.  What I'm waiting for now is to see whether the pieces will disperse or settle down neatly where they are, or whether they have to operate to take any sharp ones out.  So if it gets shaken about a bit, it may help sort it out. 

Meanwhile, I experimented with a walking stick for the second time today.  It didn't take long to work out that (a) it doesn't actually  make most people more considerate; and (b) as I suspected, it gets in the way when I fall, which is why the first of my two falls today was most unpleasant, because I spun round then careered into a building.

But an old BBC Oucher, whose online name I can't remember, suggested I try an elbow crutch and I think I shall.  After all, if I don't try, I won't know whether it'll help.

Still coming back in here this afternoon, I'm reminded that lots of you are, in your own way, dealing with all sorts of issues, big and small, and you all understand what it is to feel grumpy with life.
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

NeuralgicNeurotic

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Re: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« Reply #7 on: 24 Jun 2017 06:02PM »
Regarding the elbow crutches, although they certainly help me feel more stable while upright and hobbling, the closed-cuff variety can be a bit of a curse when I fall.  If I can't extract my arms in time, they'll get tangled up in the cuffs, leading to all sorts of nasty sprains, strains and occasional fractures. I'm experimenting with a pair of open cuff crutches at the moment, but they're taking some getting used to, so I'll report back on that in due course.

There are also many different handle styles to chose from - rectangular, round, comfy or ergonomic. I favour the comfy or ergonomic variety, but you would need to find out which is best suited to your particular requirements.

If you have a branch of the British Red Cross near you, they do short-term loans of mobility equipment, and could probably sort you out with some crutches so that you can try them without having to shell out £30 or so for a pair.

And have some more  >chocolate< for good measure.

Sunny Clouds

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Re: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« Reply #8 on: 24 Jun 2017 06:22PM »
I hadn't thought of the Red Cross.  Thank you.

Meanwhile, thanks for the chocolate.

Having come in and had too much to eat after not eating for hours, I'm suddenly shattered, so I'm going to get my head down for a while.  Oops, I've just given away that my foot isn't nastily painful, or I wouldn't be able to sleep, would I?  Bother! I'm going to have to work harder at my sob stories!
(I'm an obsessive problem-solver, so feel free to ignore any suggestions or solutions I offer, even if they sound terribly insistent.)

JLR2

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Re: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« Reply #9 on: 26 Jun 2017 07:21AM »
Hello Sunny, how do I get an attached pic posted?  I've been trying to post, without luck, a picture of the new elbow crutches I was given by my local NHS physiotherapy department onto which I have moved my coffee flask, water bottle (insulated), torch and rolled up canvas seat I made for when I'm out and about and need to sit down.
« Last Edit: 26 Jun 2017 07:25AM by JLR2 »

NeuralgicNeurotic

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Re: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« Reply #10 on: 26 Jun 2017 09:34AM »
Oops, I've just given away that my foot isn't nastily painful, or I wouldn't be able to sleep, would I?  Bother! I'm going to have to work harder at my sob stories!

Sunny - you're just angling after more choclate, aren't you?   ;-)



Hello Sunny, how do I get an attached pic posted?  I've been trying to post, without luck, a picture of the new elbow crutches I was given by my local NHS physiotherapy department onto which I have moved my coffee flask, water bottle (insulated), torch and rolled up canvas seat I made for when I'm out and about and need to sit down.


JLR, under the reply box, you'll find a button labelled 'Attachments and other options'.  Click this to expand a list of options, then click 'Browse'. Your own file manager should open. Navigate to where in your own PC you've stored the picture, and cick 'Open' (if you're using Windows 7, 8 or 10) to attach the picture for uploading. 

NeuralgicNeurotic

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Re: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« Reply #11 on: 26 Jun 2017 12:38PM »
Testing ...

Picture shows a DeLorean DMC 12 sports car, as used in the film 'Back to the Future'.


This is just a post to test the steps I set out for JLR above. If any Mods wish to delete it, then please go ahead!

>Edit: Adding description of photo and note to mods.
« Last Edit: 26 Jun 2017 01:10PM by NeuralgicNeurotic »

JLR2

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Re: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« Reply #12 on: 26 Jun 2017 05:56PM »
NN, I'm not sure what it is I'm doing wrong. I've used the attachments icon seen the pic I want to post clicked on it, it then appears with the file name and so on but when I look to post it I end up back...eventually with a screen asking if I want to start a new topic. Maybe the picture is just too big.

JLR2

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Re: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« Reply #13 on: 26 Jun 2017 06:05PM »
I'll have to give up trying to post the picture. All I end up with is a blank screen.

KizzyKazaer

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Re: "I don't see why that helps/doesn't help"
« Reply #14 on: 26 Jun 2017 09:37PM »
NN, thanks for your technical advice to JLR2 - as I personally haven't tried to put any pics on here that are only stored on my computer, my knowledge is somewhat limited  >blush<  I won't delete anything just yet   ;-)  Sorry you're having trouble with it, JLR2  >thumbsdown<

How's the foot today, Sunny?