Ouch Too

Forum => Cafe => Topic started by: Sunny Clouds on 22 Oct 2021 05:55PM

Title: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Sunny Clouds on 22 Oct 2021 05:55PM
It's a while now since I told the neighbours I was annoyed about their having moved their basketball net.  It's been right up against the low fence, so that balls come over into my garden and the children run round to fetch them.

Then they moved the net away.  I told them I wasn't happy about that.  How am I supposed to enjoy the sight of children running across my lawn, smiling and waving if they see me, if the net isn't there?  The children promised to throw balls over instead, but it's not happening.

How are childless people like me supposed to enjoy children if they won't invade my garden?

Some other kids stopped by to say hello the other day and I invited them to race their scooters on my drive, and they seemed to enjoy it, but they haven't been back, or if they have, not when I've seen them. Would it really be too much for them to invade my drive for a couple of minutes on the way home from school?

I'm getting fed up with these well-behaved kids. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm all in favour of a little care. When we were having some communal get-togethers on some open space, there were children running round while we were chatting, and they were doing a great job of keeping a couple of metres away from us as they ran back and forth between our socially-distanced individuals and family groups.  But at least they understood that it's the role of children to have fun.

I mean, I set an example by having fun invading the local cats' territory in order to get to my front door.  Some of them even say hello instead of looking snarly.

Harumph. :f_whistle:
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours
Post by: Sunny Clouds on 22 Oct 2021 09:01PM
Maybe I'm going about it the wrong way.  Maybe I should tell them not to come in my garden.  I think I might try that plus some sort of challenge so they feel they've won one over on me if they do something.

I hate the fact that so many children don't have the freedom I did as a child.

I found some children had been in my back garden and I've just been musing that I should have put a sign up saying "Apple scrumping only permitted on Tuesdays and Thursdays" to tempt them to pick them at the weekend.  I don't think they felt able to pick my apples at all.
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours
Post by: Sunny Clouds on 22 Oct 2021 11:48PM
Futher thoughts - would it tempt children to be silly in my front garden if I put silly signs up?  "Playing on my lawn limited to 7 minutes and 53 seconds except on Tuesdays" or "Scooter racing on my drive limited to 4.396 mph." 

Incidentally, at no time am I suggesting that children should run around my garden if their parents tell them not to. 
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Sunny Clouds on 24 Oct 2021 12:19AM
*Having re-read my OP, I realise it was badly phrased and could be read as saying first I objected to its being up against the fence, then I objected to its being moved.  I only objected with a mock 'complaint' when they moved it.

I love seeing kids running across my front lawn and drive.  It cheers me up.

Today, a car drove past me as I was walking along.  Something caught my eye.  Movement inside the car.  A child waving frantically, grinning.  Local child, knowing I'd smile.

I'd probably have been a useless mother, too anxious.  But I love playing with other people's kids.  I used to coach them at the sports centre, too. 
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Fiz on 24 Oct 2021 09:07AM
I loved the op sunny! Really made me smile. Wish there were more neighbours like you when I was growing up. A lady came out once from a house a few doors down to tell me the sound of my roller skates on the pavement in front of her house was annoying and I should skate elsewhere. It was in a town so going elsewhere would have been outside someone else's house plus I was too young to go further so that was the end of my roller skating phase. Looking back, I wish I had had the courage to continue as I was doing nothing wrong!

Have you thought of putting a basketball net up on your property edge where you could see it? Maybe children would us that? I wonder if a local youth club need an extra volunteer?

My niece yesterday told me her 12 year old autistic son had gone to the local youth club the previous week. She'd been proud of him for going and getting there as he struggles socially and some boys at his school are nasty to him but he came home having loved it, said the youth workers were all lovely and all the things that he'd done. She was so pleased. It runs three times a week which is pretty good. All you'd need is a clean enhanced DBS.
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Sunny Clouds on 24 Oct 2021 12:28PM
(Long saga about my volunteering etc.)

I did loads of volunteering in the past.  I was particularly into committees, but did other stuff as well.  I've won awards for it.

My difficulty is that I began to realise that if I told the DWP I was doing new voluntary work, they started asking questions, thinking there may be a change of circumstances.  But I was afraid not to tell them, lest they find out, think I hadn't told them because I was cheating, and stop my benefits.  Either way, paperwork and stress.  Anyone who knows me (e.g. on here) knows I explain things at length - that actually goes back to early childhood and is born of a "No, I'm telling the truth, really I am" desperation. 

In fact, it's never been the case that the DWP has re-assessed me simply on the basis of doing voluntary work; however having volunteered in an advice centre and an online advice service, I helped plenty of people for whom that had been the case.

Over the course of my life, I've done tens and tens of thousands of hours of voluntary work, both whilst also in paid work, and after.  That used to be considered the norm for us mad'uns and actively encouraged under incapacity benefit, but then under the Tories, I gradually chickened out. 

For some years, that wasn't such an issue because I was looking after elderly relatives.  Then they died one after another, but I'd already dropped all my voluntary work by then, and the most I feel able to do these days is little informal things like a bit of shopping for a neighbour or picking up a neighbour's medication for them, i.e. the stuff the powers that be don't want to deem to be voluntary work.

But given that my DLA to PIP migration took 10 months including two reconsiderations, that even after all that, I'm still not getting all I'm entitled to, and that most of my conditions are relapsing-remitting which doesn't necessarily compute for some assessors, I succumbed to cowardice.

Initially, I focussed on sorting out my late father's estate, and there's still the work to do on that, but repeated problems with HMRC giving conflicting information attacked my confidence and there's also been some extreme nastiness by a relative trying to rip me off that's left me feeling loss and hurt.

Meanwhile, my carefully thought-out plans for what sort of (paid) work I wanted to do for a new career fell apart after I had some very bad experiences as a customer/client of the sort of professional/businesses to which I thought I could sell a particular set of skills I have on a fixed contract basis.

Meanwhile, I'm finding my extremely poor sound-discrimination very isolating.  I like kids playing in quiet areas outside because they cope better than grown-ups with a dotty grey-haired woman who witters away and doesn't seem to hear what they're saying. 

There are local groups I'd like to join, but I can't find any with acoustics I can cope with. There's usually background noise and hard surfaces giving the wrong sound balance, and poor lighting, and I end up just pretending I know what people are on about.  There's one dance group where I cope because the steps are so clearly demonstrated that I don't need to be able to hear what's said.  Even shouts telling us what to do next I can mentally process just as timing beeps.  And the conversation before and after is manageable because it's predictable and I've found a couple of people that don't actually listen to what's said back to them and one that speaks loudly and gestures.

I joined a local zoom group, which has closed now, and I liked the atmosphere, but even then I struggled, because I couldn't cope with both one person talking and messages from others appearing on the screen, because my brain processes messages as subtitles.  As I type that, maybe it would be worth trying other zoom groups.

I'm sitting here crying.  No, you didn't cause that.  My circumstances did.  But children, like Ouchers, can do a really good job, as you often do, of helping me to feel less depressed.
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Fiz on 24 Oct 2021 05:30PM
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Sunny Clouds on 24 Oct 2021 08:59PM
Nah, that won't work.  You did a hug where you were supposed to.  I need naughty hugs.

That's as good as a naughty hug, you say?  Ooh, I'll accept it then.  Thank you.
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Sunny Clouds on 25 Oct 2021 12:01AM
I've been thinking further about the basketball net idea.  It might work with the immediate neighbours, but not so well with other kids.  It's set me thinking, though. There must be something that doesn't require them to have something.  What about if I were to draw hopscotch things on my drive?

Local kids drew (with permission) a chalk picture on my drive, and when it faded, I bought some chalks and drew one.  I need to get those chalks out.

I need to get good at playing.  I should have done this years ago.
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Sunshine Meadows on 25 Oct 2021 11:59AM
Thank you both, I have felt too inside my own head after a awful day yesterday, I am okay so don't be worrying.

When I lived on my own at the back of a small but rough housing estate I used to sit on my back door step and given that the garden areas were open plan the local children notices me and got to chatting. They were never allowed in the house but still they came and chatted to me about school and asked questions about life the universe and everything. a few years later I moved house and given that some of the children were older they were allowed to cross the big main road to come and see me. The house was terraced so it was either let them in or say no to them coming. We would bake cakes, do art stuff watch tv and such like. One of the children came to see me from the age of about 8 until she was 13 when it all petered out. Her Mum worked a lot and she had a half brother who was older. I never asked why she would run to my door after school. I did meet her mother once, she was young and looked over worked. Anyway I like to think I made a difference  :f_peacedove:

I like the idea of strict signs to encourage play :-)
I never could roller skate but I did once badly ben a whirly gig washing line when I grabbed it as I feel

The kid in does not do hugs however she did find a leaf and wants you to have it. Why is it spotty?

Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Sunny Clouds on 25 Oct 2021 12:17PM
I can explain the spotty leaf but wouldn't have been able to three weeks ago.

Someone I meet up with maybe 2-3 times a year for lunch or, during the pandemic, a walk in the park, suggested I go to a guided tour of a local park.  I couldn't hear most of what the guide said, particularly as we were spread out, but my friend summarised it, people gathered round things pointing, and also the guide passed a few things round, including a few leaves.

So if I've got it right, those little blobs are some sort of wasp eggs.
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Sunny Clouds on 25 Oct 2021 12:21PM
I've just done an image search.  I found an image for spangle gall wasp eggs that looked like that.

I was amazed when the man in the park said they were wasp eggs.  I'd always just assumed if I saw sort of brownish blobs on leaves that  it was a sort of fungus.
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Sunny Clouds on 25 Oct 2021 12:30PM
As for inviting children into the house, when I was a kid it was considered ok to pop into people's houses, perhaps if it started to rain, and I used to sit with some 'oldies'.

But when a couple of years ago two children turned up on my doorstep with something (a card, I think), I felt I should invite them in but didn't know what to do with them.

You see, I grew up in a house without visitors, so I'm at a loss with them.  I coped with having a group of people I knew round to my place once a month for a few years, but that was quite formal - each bring some food items, heat anything that needed it, fill the plates; sit round in a group eating and chatting; put plates in kitchen, discuss a book we'd read; tidy up a bit & go home.

But otherwise, I have maybe 1-2 home visits a year.  The pandemic's been good, though.  Having someone round in the garden's easier.  I've only done it about half a dozen times, but you have to start somewhere.

Sudden thought - why didn't I ask the children what they'd like to do?  Personally, in their shoes and with a house like mine, I'd like to be nosy and explore.  I'd be ok if they did that.  I wouldn't even mind if they opened cupboards and drawers to look so long as they washed their hands when they arrived. 

This is fun exploring options.

Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Sunshine Meadows on 26 Oct 2021 08:06PM
Wasp eggs that is a new on to me now I am going to look up the life cycle. The guided walk in the park is something I would like to do but I have not got to the point of doing  :f_yikes:

My Mum used to take me to an old lady's house for a cup of tea and toast maybe scones I am not sure. I do remember the lady cook on and open fire that was lovely and warm. In my mind the thing kids want more than anything is to be seen as a person who is seen and heard, that their curiosity is not stifled. It would have been great to have thought of a couple of options like cards or looking at books especially old ones. I used to love looking at Mum's old hard back books - objects that have travelled through time and history.
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Sunny Clouds on 26 Oct 2021 09:23PM
It seemed so much easier when I was a child.  You could wander in and out of some people's houses.  My parents couldn't cope with people in the house, but if they were home, kids could wander into the garden if they wanted. 

Meanwhile, having had a rough day, I'm playing with more ideas.
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: ditchdwellers on 29 Oct 2021 09:50AM
When I was very young (we moved home when I was seven years old), we lived on a what was then modern 1970s estate. All the garages were in blocks. We lived in an end of terrace house adjacent to one of the garage blocks and all of us kids used to play in it.

There was one lovely 'old' man (he probably wasn't, but I thought he was!) who kept his little red mini in one of the garages. We all called him Mr Red Mini Man  :f_laugh: . Every weekend, without fail, he would visit his garage and inspect his car. I would often be waiting for him at the garden gate and when I saw him I would yell to my mum that he was there and run across to meet him. I would always take something to show him like a picture I had drawn for him, or a certificate from school, or book l was reading. He was so kind.
He, in turn, had this little torch and he would let me check the water level in the radiator and read off the oil level from the dipstick.

When we moved away I missed him, but I've never forgotten the kindness of Mr Red Mini Man. I've often wondered what his real name was.
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Sunny Clouds on 29 Oct 2021 05:25PM
What a lovely image that put in my head. 
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Cheetarah on 11 Nov 2021 03:15PM
Hi, I'm new here.  Those ideas to encourage children to feel comfortable playing in your garden really cheered me up, SunnyClouds. Maybe they could help plant something in the spring like sunflowers or strawberries. 
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Sunny Clouds on 11 Nov 2021 03:56PM
I hadn't thought of getting them to plant something.  That's a lovely idea.

Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: lankou on 12 Nov 2021 09:49AM
I can think of load of ways of annoying my neighbours, but I never know when I might need my neighbours to help me and vice versa.
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: ditchdwellers on 12 Nov 2021 11:31AM
How very true. Good neighbour relationships can be invaluable in times of need.
Title: Re: Annoying neighbours (if only they were!)
Post by: Sunny Clouds on 12 Nov 2021 02:06PM
I have so many kind neighbours.  I think I'm very lucky.  I've been very pleased when neighbours have prompted me to do things for others I hadn't thought of.  E.g. someone visiting elderly relative, helping them clear up the house a bit, surplus rubbish, another neighbour saying to me as I was going past "You've got spare space in your bin, haven't you?"  Yes, I had, and some bags of rubbish were then carried down to my house by another neighbour.

By the same token, a couple of neighbours have been pushing me to get better at asking for help.

One of the kindnesses I love most is having had unsolicited get well cards from neighbours.  Beautiful.